Leaving is hard. It is. The toxicity becomes normalized. The uncertainty of changing things up looms over one’s head.

But times have proved desperate. The severing. The separation becomes necessary. If not, the compromise will cause immeasurable harm.

One study (Ben-Porat & Reshef-Matzpoon, 2023) followed women who’d experienced domestic violence over a five-year period. Over half of them returned to their abuser within that time frame.

No judgement here. It’s hard to leave. Sometimes there’s children involved. Destitution, homelessness, and lack of basic needs are real things to consider when leaving more financially stable circumstances.

But what about the other women who got away?

I’m certain that the transition was one of the scariest things they ever faced. The grief. The loss. The adjustment. The new normal. The “what if’s?” screaming in their ears late at night.

But these other women got away and stayed away. No more empty promises. Silent treatment. Cheating. Harassment. Isolation. Spiritual abuse. Assault. Financial mishandling. Emotional turmoil. Undermining. Constant lying. Gaslighting. No more.

Things got easier. Belongings were replaced – little by little. Prayer was the foundation for many. Battles were fought…and won. The crying spells lessened. Talking to God was their everything. Voicing the painful story got easier and less frequent. Healing transpired. Forgiveness was embraced. Isolation was diminished. Dreaming again was possible. And questioning their beauty, capabilities, and worth became a distant reality.

One survivor (personal communication, August 22, 2025) communicated that the freedom she gained outweighed any fear she initially had of leaving. She had to start from scratch with her children, but she voiced: “God was with me. I wasn’t alone.”

The new “stuff” (home, car, etc.) was nice, but it’s the peace that mattered the most.

Need to get out of an abusive relationship? Desire help? Call/Text the National Domestic Abuse Hotline:

Call 800-799-7233

Text BEGIN to 88788 

Sources

1. Anonymous participant. Personal communication. August 22, 2025.
2. Ben-Porat, A., & Reshef-Matzpoon, A. (2023). Stay–leave decision-making among women victims of domestic violence in Israel: Background, Interactional, and Environmental Factors. Journal of Interpersonal Violence., 38(3–4), 3688–3710.

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